Reddish Blues

Lend me your wrist and a boxcutter
I said, I need fresh lipstick.

I used to be so shocking,
want doppelganger sex dolls.
Swore like a sailor I loved them all
like my neighbors
and myself,
and now you
clean skinned wonder,
too young for me,
conservative.
I want to burn all over,
preserve my memory but don't use me
sparingly.

Reticence diminishes pleasure,
does not extend.
Cowards are criminals, should self prosecute
seldom wake in time for court.

At 6, I read newer testaments with little understanding.
Now I'm old enough to lie
about the date my parents conceived
such a disappointing child.
We aren't adults,
our nudity shocks no one.
We are expected, entertain strange,
titillate
baby
doll.
Outside
the ring they demand,
and we bonobo tango till our paws bleed,
toes curled in latex en pointe under whip
Invisible barbs sting
From between purchased mouths.
Who needs to be born with it
In plastic crowned cosmetic dream?
I am frequently afraid,
but know no one else to be.
I make my heartbreaker's face in the mirror
and hate myself for it
when I catch her smile in my teeth.
But I'm never alone
and she wasn't all wrong.

You make me wish
For a past like rabbits
And a fancy hat
But if I turned tricks
I wouldn't be
The woman you love.